I Believe in Miracles

Last week was an interesting week.

Since I found out in December that I’d be losing my job in June, everything has been interesting.  My job is a big part of me, it allows me the means to take care of my family, to finance my art and to publish my books.  This news really threw me for a loop.  I think so much of my life is up in the air right now that I’ve no choice but to be open to anything.  It’s a little unsettling to have that perspective but when everything is changing you’ve no choice but to roll with it, control and change what you can and believe in miracles, luck and hard work all equally and at the same time.  Lately I believe in taking more chances.

I believe in hard work more than miracles, more than luck.

Lately I’ve been thinking about this poem by Michael Stipe:

A shiver came quick,

grabbed me up by the back of the neck,

and shook me down to the floor,

through my shoes, through the floor,

to core of the earth.

I muttered something, swallowed some air.

Science, miracles, monkeys, or prayer,

I’ll believe in anything when I’m there

I’m certain I’ve said that before.

I’ll believe in anything when I’m there

I’m certain I’ve said that before.

I know this post sounds completely random and has nothing to do with art, but it does, I think.  I think I’ve gotten braver than I thought I could get.  Sure, there are times when I freeze up and get completely scared about how on earth I am going to pay the mortgage in the next few months and I wonder if I should be more freaked out than I am.  I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately with people related to the job search world.  People who’ve helped me with my resume, connections, advisers and employers.  Last week I had a conversation with a retired CEO who asked me what I wanted to do with my life.  Since he had connections to a pretty reputable employer, I gave him the “I need to provide for my wife and family so I am going to tell you something about working hard and moving up the corporate ladder” answer.  He waved that answer aside and asked me what I really wanted to do.  I told him my dream job was to be a newspaper comic strip cartoonist.  I told him a little about The Retros and how I’d like to submit it to newspaper syndicates.  He asked why I hadn’t done that yet.  Why aren’t I doing that?  I didn’t really have a good answer for him.  To be honest, I am not ready to do that yet.  I think I am close to be overwhelmed with everything going on to tackle putting together a submission packet.  I am close to losing my mind but I’m doing just fine for now.  Although my job is winding down, my responsibilities are still hectic and between that, and looking for a new job and working on Uptown Girl-‘The Lazarus Heart’ I don’t feel I can devote any more energy or room in my brain to another project.  If anyone out there wants to put one together with me, drop me a line, though.  I will do something with The Retros, though.  The cartoon is still being worked on, in fact here’s a new screen shot:

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The conversation did put some things in perspective and for some reason things didn’t seem as impossible as I usually felt they were.  The plan is to finish up ‘The Lazarus Heart’ and then tackle the syndicate stuff.  Of course, I don’t think the Retros has a chance but it’s still worth a shot, right?  I’ve never received a rejection letter from a syndicate before.  I can add it to the collection.

Like I said, I believe in hard work and miracles.  You can have all the opportunities and connections in the world but without working hard on something, those connections will do you no good.  Last night, by chance, a potential miracle happened, but no reason to get my hopes up.  But still.  Earlier I said I believe in taking chances and it’s amazing what might happen by just taking one.  And I did.  Email addresses were exchanged and I remain hopeful.

I know I am being vague but the point is that my life is going to be different than it was in December.  I’ll have a new place to work, maybe my wife will return to full time employment (although as someone who takes care of our home, our kids and her own parents, I would say she already works full time.  With overtime.), maybe I’ll be selling my books so I can afford the electric bill.  I don’t know.

So, like the man said, I’m on my way, I don’t know where I’m going.

Anyway, here’s some more artwork.  I like making cards for people and here’s three I made over the last two weeks:

 

 

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