Living with the Awful Truth that We’re Not as Cool as We’d Like Other People to Think We Are

So.  I’ll be doing a book signing/panel with Zander Cannon, Andy Singer and Tom Kaczynski at Barnes and Noble at Har Mar Mall at 2pm.

I am a little conflicted about stuff like this.  On one hand, stuff like this is usually fun.  On the other hand, nothing makes you feel more like a loser than being a guest somewhere ( a book signing, a convention) where no one pays you any attention.  I want people to come, but then again, if people come, then they might see that no one is there and therefore will realize that I suck.  Thank goodness I’ll be there with three very talented people.  I am sure people will come see them and maybe by proxy people might think I am less lame.

Cartooning and positive self esteem don’t always go hand in hand.  I constantly think I suck.  If I draw a lousy page, I am convinced I am terrible and should just give up.  When I read a comic by a cartoonist that I like, I really want to give up.  Some people feel that if they did they’re very best and tried as hard as they could, well, they did all they could.  But for myself I wonder if I am as good as I could be.  I’m not the best out there, not by far, but could I be better?  Am I capable of more?  Should I take another art class?  Should I pencil more?  Should I ink with a brush?  Should I draw more realistic?  I don’t know.

Anyway, I don’t expect to ever know if I am as good as I could be.  When ‘Big City Secrets’ came out, I was convinced that it was the best work of my career.   I was convinced that I couldn’t do better than that.  But looking at it, there are parts where I know I could do better.  I hope I get better with each book, but I am not sure.  I think I think too much about this.  Or maybe I don’t think enough about this?

I don’t know.  Sorry for the rambling.  I don’t want you to think I am going through a personal crisis or anything.  I’m having a really good day, to be honest.

So, here’s a picture from the current story I am working on, currently titled ‘Learning How to Smile’.  It promises to be the most depressing Uptown Girl story ever.  Again, I really am having a good day.  In fact, this whole weekend has been awesome.



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